The EU Referendum and Biscuits

I shamelessly stole this from some dude off facebook. Just make sure you use your vote today if you’re in the UK. I hope to remain for what it’s worth.

Unlike everyone else, who seemingly overnight has become a champion of European legislation and a bastion of the legalities of immigration, I genuinely know fuck all about politics.

Honestly. Can’t even tell you the difference between labour, conservatives or the other ones. Is it Lib dems? I don’t know what they do. Tories are cunts though… That’s literally the extent of my knowledge.

It just doesn’t interest me because, and I’m aware that this is painfully apathetic and stupid, but it’s boring and I don’t see how any of it’s actually set up to help me. If I was a bank or building society or a business that operated on the global market or just a cunt who went to Eton and fancied making all my pig diddling mates peers or something then yeah, I’d give more of a shit. But I’m not. I’m just a bloke who works in a call centre 8 hours a day and whether we’re in or out of Europe I’ll still have £68 pound a month to pay for bus fares. I’m trapped in renting so I couldn’t give less of a shit about “community” because I’m not really part of one because I might move again in 6 month so what’s point? I’ll still be skint either way, the concept of owning a house will remain a sick joke and I’ll still have to work until I’m a billion and 30 just to retire on the £8.47 I’ve got saved up in my work pension (yes I’m aware all of these are political points… Irony’s funny, isn’t it?) but governments aren’t set up for people like me… They’re set up for people who are either tragically, tragically poor or people who are almost belligerently rich. Even if we save money by coming out, who gives a shit? What, we’re suddenly going to start looking after old folk and buying hospitals are we? Wont we need the four food banks in Leeds anymore? You talk actual piss. Any money saved will go into buying more pigs or moats for duck houses.

The point for me is this though; A university professor of 12 years, what has got an actual PHD, specialising in European constitutional law and the relationship between the EU and its member states, specifically the UK, the single market and the free movement of people has said its a fucking shit idea to leave the EU.

Surely that’s enough then? Let’s agree with him, surely? He probably knows what’s chong and what’s not chong.

I mean I know you’ve got a BTEC in sports science and, yeah… sure, your lass has got her level 1 hairdressing certificate and you both went to Tossa De Mar once for holiday but his points seem to come across better than yours somehow. Like, his arguments are built around solid premises and formulated on numbers and research and shit whereas yours are like “Yeah well The Sun says all black people are wankers, so…”.

The best way I can think of it is in terms of the biscuit club at work. Everybody pays in and everybody gets nice biscuits. Sure you can get your own biscuits if you want but it’s a lot of fucking about and you’ll only have to share them anyway. What, are you gonna legitimately eat them all to yourself in an office are you Sharon? Right well that’s why you wear sports socks and can’t find a husband. Yeah, not everyone gets the biscuits they want all the time but if your choice is shit biscuits sometimes or no biscuits ever then it’s a fucking no brainer. What if you want help to get biscuits but nobody cares because they’re sorted for Jaffas now? What about your relationship with people who are still in biscuit club? You think they’ll be happy with you tapping Hob Nobs off them everyday because you forgot to go to Jacksons at the weekend? Get to fuck. “Oh no, loads of new people want to join in with biscuit club now!” So? More people means more / better biscuits. Yeah you might have to share more but what are you, 5? If you don’t want to share biscuits then fuck off back to Russia you pinko commie swine. Plus, why do you think they WANT to join? It’s because these biscuits are brilliant and they haven’t got any. Sometimes people do Ramadan and can’t eat biscuits while the suns up… Who gives a shit? Don’t have biscuits then. It’s ok… Just have them later. Take them home for when suns gone down for all I care. And yeah, some people try and blag it… They don’t pay what they should or they eat more than you but you don’t just fuck biscuits off all together because of a couple of dickheads. Grow up you babies. “He hasn’t paid for biscuits and by rights he’s eating my property!”. Yeah… Jason’s not paying this week because he’s got dick cancer and he’s got better things to worry about. Let him have a biscuit you tight bastard. Fuck me. Plus his wife’s got alopecia. Difficult home life mate. Give him a biscuit while he sorts his head out.

I’m just gonna go with the PHD bloke to be honest because he’s smarter than everyone else and I fucking love biscuits me.